JOKES
BLONDES

A red head, a brunette, and (of course) a blonde walks into a bar. The bartender tells them in the bathroom there is a magical mirror that will give you something good if you tell it the truth. If you lie you get sucked in. The girl liked the idea so they all walked into the bathroom. The brunette says "I think I'm the best looking person in this bar" and out popped her prize. Next the red head, and went up and said "I think I'm the smartest girl in this bar" it was the truth so a prize popped out of the mirror. Next the blonde went "I think... " And she was sucked into the mirror and never seen again.


Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN A BLONDE TROWS A GRENADE AT YOU?
A: TAKE THE PIN OUT OF IT AND THROW IT BACK!!!

The blonde kidnapped a child and ask for a million dollars in return. She grabes the kid and writtes a note says, "I have kidnapped your child and if you want him back you have to put a million dollars under the tree of the left hand side of the playground." She stuck the note on the childs back and told him to go home. The next day, as expected, there was a million dollars under the tree with a note with it. It said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde???"

Q: WHAT DO BLONDES DO AFTER THEY COMB THEIR HAIR?
A: PULL UP THEIR PANTS.

Q: WHY DO BLONDES LIKE CARS WITH SUN ROOFS?
A: MORE LEG ROOM.

A blonde walks into a casino where she see's a coke vending machine. She puts in some money and a coke falls out. She smiles and keeps putting in more and more money, and getting heaps of cokes. She does this for about an hour or so until a guy comes up to her and says "Havent you had enough?" and she says back, "No! Can't you see I'm winning!"

There was this blonde farmer who had these two horses that she couldn't tell apart. She went to her neighbour and asked if he had any ideas to help her. The neighbour told her to trim part of one horse's tails so one would be shorter than the other. The blonde thanked her neighbour and went home. She trimmed one of the tailes, and she could tell her horses apart now, untill one day when the other horse got his tail caught in the fence. Now the blonde had a problem cuz she couldn't tell the horses apart again. So she went back to her neighbour and asked him what she could do. Her neighbour seid to trim one of the horse's ears. The blonde thanked her neighbour again and went home. Than she trimed one of her horse's ears. Now she could tell them apart. Untill one the day when the other horse go it's ear caught in the fence. Now the blonde was stuck. So she went back to her neighbour. Her neighbour suggested that she measure her horses. The blonde thanked her neighbour once again and went home.
It turns out, that the black horse is two inches taller than the white horse.

Q: WHY WAS THE BLONDE SMILING WHEN THE LIGHTING STRUCK?
A: SHE TOUGHT SHE WAS GETTING HER PICTURE TAKEN.

Q: WHAT DOES A BLONDE AND A BEER BOTTLE HAVE IN COMMON?
A: THEY ARE BOTH EMPTY FROM THE NECK UP.

Three blondes house caught on fire, so they called the fire department. The fireman said, "How do we get there?" The blondes say, "Duh, big red truck!"

A blonde walks into a bar and looks around. There is no pool table, no dart board, no juxe box. She asked the bar tender, "What do you guys do for fun around here?" The bar tender picks up a bat and walks over to an ape in the corner of the room. He hits it over the head and it goes crazy. It jumps all over the place. Then it turns to the bar tender and gives him a blow job. After the bar tender cleaned up the mess he started to hand the bat to the blonde. He said "You want to give it a try?"
The blonde lookes at him and goes, "OK, just don't hit me to hard".

Seconds turn into minutes, minutes turn into hours, hours turno into days, days turn into week, weeks turn into months, months turno into years, years turn into decades, decades turn into centuries, centuries turn into millenium, millenium turn into two milleniums, then and only then blondes get smart.

Three blondes stuck on an island. They want to get off so they find genie and they each have one wish. The first one says, "I want to be 10% smarter", so he turn her into brunette and she takes a piece of wood and floats away.
The second one said, "I want to be 50% smarter", so he turns her into a red head, so she builts a boat and goes off.
The third one said, "I want to be 100% smarter", so he turns her into a man, and she take the bridge.

A blonde was driving to Disney Land. She saw a sign and it said "Disney Land left". So she turned around and went home.

Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL THE PLACE BETWEEN BRITNEY SPEARS'S BOOBS?
A: SILLICON VALLEY.

This lady was cheatinig on her husband and every day, when he left for work, she invited two guys over. Well, he came home early one day and the lady hid one of the guys under the bed, and one in the bathroom. She forgot about the guys and 11 years later remembered about them. She checked under the bed and found a skeleton. She opened up the toilet seat to use the bathroom and saw a face. She said to the guy, "How did you survive down there?". He replied, "I've been living of those snickers bars and lemonade you've been putting in here!"

Q: WHAT SHOULD YOU DO IF YOU EVER MEET A SMART BLONDE?
A: WAKE UP!!!!

Q: HOW DO YOU GET A BLONDE TO LAUGH ON SATURDAY?
A: TELL HER A JOKE ON WEDNESDAY!!!

One night while a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were working, the building caught on fire.It was three stories high and the firefighters were there. One firefighter said to the brunette to jump out of the window on to the net. When she jumped, the firefighters moved the net and the brunette splattered on the ground. When the redhead jumped they did the same thing. When they asked the blonde to jump she said that she will only jump if they step away from the net.

Two blondes were walking in the woods. The first blonde turned to the other and said,"Look at those deer tracks", the other blonde replies,"they aren't deer tracks, they are wolf tracks". They kept arguing until 10 minutes later they got hit by a train.

Blonde and lawyer on plane

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explanes that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explanes "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5,00, and vise versa. Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "OK, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5,00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500,00. This catches the blondes attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out $5,00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "OK, says the lawyer, your turn." She asks the lawyer, "What goes up the hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of Congres, no answer. After frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworker, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500,00. The blonde says "Thank you", and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5,00 and goes back to sleep.
And you thought blondes were dumb!!!