DOCTOR JOKES


One day an old lady walked into the doctor's office. She said,"Doctor, I have a farting problem. I fart all the time. They don't smell, and they are silent. They don't even bother me! In fact, I have farted 20 times since I entered this room, and you didn't even know! Do you have a diagnosis?" The doctor gave the little old lady some pills and sent her on her way. The little old lady came back to the doctors office a week later, and said, "Doctor! What pills did you give me ? Now when I fart, they stink!" The doctor says, "Great, now that we've got your sinuses cleared up, let's work on your hearing!"

A guy walks into a crowded doctor'r office and says to the receptionist, "there's something wrong with my dick." The receptionist gets angry at the man. She says, "Excuse me Sir but you can't walk into a doctor's office and say something like that, it's rude." "Oh," the guy says. The receptionist tells him to go outside and think of a better thing to say like, "There's something wrong with my ear. The guy waits outside for a minute. He walks back in and the lady says, "Hi, how may I help you?" The guy replies, "There's something wrong with my ear." "What's wrong with your ear, " the lady asks... The man replies, "I can't piss out of it !!!"

Why do doctors give viagra to the old men in the nursing homes?
To keep them from rolling out of the bed.

When Mike came into the office for the results of some medical tests, the doctor told him he had some good news and some bad news. Mike asked for the good news first. "Your penis is going to grow two inches and a inch in cumfrence." "That's terrific, " Mike said, breaking into a big smile. "So what is the bad news?" The doctor answered, "Malignant."

A man has a glass eye, and every night he takes it out and puts it in a glass of water. One morninig, half asleep, he picks up the glass and swallows his glass eye. The eye travels almost through his system, but gets stuck in last mile. Things are starting to back up. The guy goes to his Dr. and tells the Dr. he has a pain in his lower back. He says nothing about the glass eye. The Dr. gets him up on the examining table, starts to look up this guys ass, and sees the glass eye staring back at him. He says to the guy,... "Look, you have to learn to trust me!"

There was a couple that was having sexual problems so the wife decides to seek the advice of a sex therapist. The sex therapist suggested that the wife gave her husband a viagra pill and gave her a prescription. The next day, the woman returned to the therapist and said it worked really well, but questioned what would happen if she gave her husband 2 pills. The therapist said she didn't know, but to let her know the results. The next day, the woman returned to the office, big bags under her eyes, and super tired. She said the results were just fantastic. She then asked the therapist what would happen if she gave him the rest of the bottle. The therapist shrugged her shoulders and told her that she had never heard of that happening before... but to be sure to let her know the results. The therapist didn't see the woman next day... in fact, she didn't see her for several days. Two weeks later, the therapist came out of her office and found the woman's young son sitting in the waiting room. She said, "Johnny, it's so nice to see you. How is your family - I haven't seen your mother for two weeks?" Johnny answered, "Well, my mother is dead... my sister is pregnant... I have a sore butt... and my dad is in the corner of the barn saying ' Here kitty, kitty, kitty'!"

Doctor... I am having a problem in remembering things...
And when did this problem start?
Problem?? What problem??


A man and his wife were making their first doctor visit prior to the birth of their first child. After everything checked out, the doctor took a small stamp and stamped the wife's stomach with indelible ink. The couple was courious about what the stamp was for so when they got home, he dug out his magnifying glass to try to see what it was. In very tiny letters the stamp said, "When you can read this, come back and see me!"